I’d like to write more, for Cook With What You Have work and more of a personal journal where I can share anything. I use this space for both but since I’m not cooking as much these days it’s also my platform (as it was 6 years ago when I got sick the first time) for more personal matters. Today I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. This afternoon, I should say specifically, as this morning was a bit rough.
These days I sometimes have a hard time knowing/feeling what I should do with myself. I’m often quite fatigued, especially in the morning and go back to bed after seeing my son off to school and making his lunch–yes he could/should (?) make his own but I love making it for him. I do a lot of things lately with or for my son (and husband) that might be considered enabling or spoiling–the kid, not the hubby:)! But the thing is I don’t know how much time I have on this beautiful and flawed planet–the flawed part being the humans that inhabit this beautiful earth–and I want to take advantage of every moment I have to give my son a ride somewhere or make him a delicious after school snack and cinnamon toast before bed!
I also have been writing less because it’s harder to express myself on the page these days. I have lots of–what I think are–interesting thoughts and questions but because of the struggles I have retaining and processing information (thanks full brain radiation!) I am plagued by short-term memory loss. So I regularly have a thought and 10 seconds later it’s gone and unretrievable. This makes coherent writing a bit of a challenge. But I’ve just decided that maybe I’ll write disjointed things and not worry so much about whether it makes sense to you, my dear readers. I want to stay connected and sharing my thoughts and experiences keeps me engaged in the world, that so often these days feels like it’s passing me by.
And I love hearing from you all, your news and random thoughts keep me engaged and hopeful and forward moving. I am committing, with this post, to make my life more interesting by writing when it often feels completely run by cancer and its attendant challenges. And if you have questions about any of what I write, please ask. As you can probably tell I like sharing (not always but often). I’ve also been inspired to write more by Suleika Jaouad, author of Between Two Kingdoms: Memoir of a Life Interrupted. Her journey with cancer, while different than mine has many similarities and I feel seen reading it. I highly recommend it even if, and maybe especially if you’re not struggling with serious illness. She’s an extraordinary writer and is going through her own recurrence now and her writing has deeply nourished me.
All right dear ones, that’s it for today. More to come soon!